Stop The Ambulance, I Want To Get Off

The Amish Spaceman

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Top ten things you never want to hear from emergency personnel (as conveyed to me through a pick-up window whilst my EggWhite McMuffin was broiling):

10. I haven’t done this in forever.
9. Never seen that before.
8. Don’t tell me this is bad, Marty. I can see that myself!
7. Why didn’t you go before we left the station?
6. I’m putting this one in my book, no question.
5. You didn’t just do what I think you just did.
4. Maybe he’s sleeping.
3. You’re fired, you’re fired, you’re suspended, and you––stop dying.
2. Yep, definitely the wrong hole.
1. Walking away isn’t going to get this guy to the hospital, Marty. Marty!

[DISCLAIMER: I have neither heard nor spoken any of these phrases during my professional employment. However, I once consumed half a box of ice-cream sandwiches because we got a call and they were going to…

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